i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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