I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why do cheetos always look like penises
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
