I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize