Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
