The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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