And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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