Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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