running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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