What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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