I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
