Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
