We're like a lot better than the average bears
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
