My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
