It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
