like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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