the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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