I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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