My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
