Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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