i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
