she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
