Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
