Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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