last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
