i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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