I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
