accomplished twins. life is a go
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
