i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
