Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
