I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
