she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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