I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
