I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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