If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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