Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
