so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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