I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
