OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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