I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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