Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
