I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex on a dog bed..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
