we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
