I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
