He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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