You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
