One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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