all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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