ya dads aren't the best wingmen
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
