Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Couch. On fire.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
