So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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