before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
