Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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