How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
