we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need a beard to bite.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
