I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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