dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
