dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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