So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
