I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
