Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
