You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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