God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
