ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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