the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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