it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
