You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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