You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
