Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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