Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
