I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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